We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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