Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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