so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
