You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
