3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
