I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
