after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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