So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
