I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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