I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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