I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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