During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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