he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
