Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Couch. On fire.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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