having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
