No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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