I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
