when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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