if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
