If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
