There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
