You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
