Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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