Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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