do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it glows. i had to have it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
