i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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