Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
