I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
