So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
