Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize