Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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