you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
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want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
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Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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