i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
