Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
