So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
