Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize