That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
