you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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