his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
