her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
