Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
