then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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