I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She told me I should be a condom model.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
