Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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