Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
not ubering you a puppy
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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