when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
