Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
