I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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