he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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