My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
