Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
