I need help removing her.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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