My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
last night I used snow as a chaser
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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