I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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