I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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