After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
