can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
