your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
