I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
