OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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