Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
