your parents love me but you hate me
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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