I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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