I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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