if i can run in heels then i can drive
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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