I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
