Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
